Sinful
by Dannee-san
Summary: Haku elaborates on his feeling for Chihiro. Just something I came up with. Please read.


AN This is my first Spirited Away fic. It's a little something from Haku's POV. I guess it kind describes Haku's  
  
feelings about Chihiro and how he feels about that. It's just a one-shot, but it's my view on Haku's feelings.  
  
Hope you like it.  
  
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I am the most horribly sinful creature in the universe. I realized that, as I was simply flying over  
  
the grassy planes of spirit world. I guess I knew all along, but let me enlighten you a little bit as to what  
  
brought to this realization.  
  
I never knew how incredible the spirit world looks. It really is very beautiful. The way the grass  
  
moves when the wind rushes through it, the sound fo the train on the tracks, the spirits visiting the bathhouse  
  
trying to relax from the being in the human world.  
  
I know the human world is just as beautiful though. It's the first place I ever lived. The Kohaku river.  
  
It's a very old river. Consequently, I'm a very old sprit, though I don't look it. It was quite amazing actually,  
  
watching humans evolve. I saw them coming to the land, settling, learning to be farmers. I watched as their  
  
technology evolved. The samurai, the dynasties, the introduction of Western culture. Wars were fought at my banks,  
  
couples sought refuge under the willows at dusk, witches practiced their magic at night. My water has been used  
  
for many purposes. The amount of filth I had to have washed from me when I still was a visitor of the bathhouse  
  
is amazing. I never looked like a Stinkgod though. People died in me too.  
  
That sort of thing is inevitable when a war is fought at your banks. But people just drowned too. I never  
  
interfered. It's not my place to meddle with the lives of humans. I inhabit the river assigned to me and make  
  
sure it keeps running, keeping an eye on the spring and its spirit.  
  
I made one exception though.  
  
Several years ago a little girl fell into my waters. As I was close-by, I saw it all happening. A little  
  
girl of two, maybe three years old. Her brown hair floated around her head as she moved in slow-motion. It was  
  
obvious she couldn't swim. Her moved around slowly, until her eyes found me.  
  
She had these enormous hazel eyes, looking straight at me. Bubbles flew from her mouth as she reached  
  
her little hand to me. And as I watched those round orbs of air vanish at the surface, I realized this little  
  
creature would die.  
  
My green eyes were locked with her hazel ones and I knew she would die.  
  
Unless I helped her.  
  
And so I swam out of my hiding place and into the open. She smiled excitedly. I know the squirt would  
  
have squealed if not for the water. With a flick of my head she was sitting on my neck. At first I simply  
  
pushed her up, but when her body started to slide away, I felt little hands gripping my manes.  
  
I never felt like that before.  
  
Her she was, that little insignificant human being, and she touched like no-one had done before, trusting  
  
me to get her to safety. Just what did that little thing thought she was doing? It was the first time I was  
  
envious of humans.  
  
I have watched them all my life and never once could I understand what drove them to do the things they  
  
did, and I still don't understand most of it, but that day I learned one thing.  
  
Love.  
  
In that instant in time, it can't have been longer than two minutes, that toddler taught me everything  
  
that made humans human.  
  
But, soon after my river was dammed and I lost my home.  
  
That little girl hadn't left my mind though and I realized I wanted to try human life.  
  
So I went to Yubaba. She could teach me the magic I wanted to know and give me a human body. In return  
  
I would work for her.  
  
She gave me a humanoid body alright, but I couldn't leave the spirit realm with it. She claimed it to be  
  
because my own magic abilities were not advanced enough. And my body looked like that of a ten year-old. Still I  
  
hoped it would help me and that finally I could enter the human world.  
  
But I began to forget. Forget my dreams, my goal, and even my name.  
  
Over seven years I served Yubaba loyally.  
  
And then I found her. Chihiro.  
  
I will never forget the look in her eyes as she saw me. The mixture of emotion I saw, I would have thought  
  
her to be overwhelmed by what she was feeling, but she proved more resilient than I thought. Much more. Despite her  
  
fears and doubts concerning the world she had found herself in and the stranger in front of her, she still had hope  
  
in her eyes, as she approached me. A scared little ten year-old. At then I didn't know what I was feeling. All I  
  
knew was that I wanted to help her, make sure the tears shining in her eyes wouldn't find a reason to tumble down  
  
her cheeks.  
  
I helped her to the best of my ability that day, sending her to Kamaji. She had to be in the bathhouse to  
  
try and get her parents back to normal. I didn't understand her resolve for I had never known parental love, but  
  
she refused to just leave and save herself.  
  
I had to remind her of her true name. She nearly forgot. When that happens, Yubaba holds you in her grasp.  
  
It happened to me.  
  
Chihiro never ceased to amaze me. She got Yubaba to hire her, she made friends with No-face and she became  
  
popular amongst all the workers at the bathhouse at such a short amount of time.  
  
And what she did for me is beyond my ability to describe. She somehow recognized me in my dragon form,  
  
I don't know how, but when those paper birds of Zenida were chasing me, she tried to help me. And in return I  
  
bloodied her and the entire sleeping quarters she was standing in.  
  
Without a word I flew up to Yubaba's office, where I collapsed. But she was there. She helped me, stayed  
  
with me, found the medicine I needed and, because she didn't see any sign of me getting better, even set out for  
  
Zenida's to return the seal. She put her life at stake for me.  
  
Zenida summoned me from the boiler room. I could only answer, as it concerned my Chihiro. I flew to the  
  
small cottage in the swamps. When the little brown haired girl came running out the doors and rushed to hug my nose  
  
with her whole body, I reveled in the sensation of her unconditional love. I stood at awe at the selflessness of  
  
this weak human being. She had proved so strong. She had lifted the curse from me, setting me free from Yubaba's  
  
reign by getting that piece of slime out of my system. I had never felt like that before.  
  
I flew her back to the bathhouse so she culd save her parents. I wanted that flight to last forever, because  
  
when she had saved her parents she would be leaving me. I laothed myself for my egotistical thoughts. I had no right  
  
to keep her for myself. Though I knew I wanted to. I knew I should act as she had done. I wonder what would have  
  
happened if I had let my selfish side rule.   
  
She had exceeded all my expectations and still, above the see stretching to the horizon, she gave me the most  
  
precious gift of all.  
  
My name.  
  
The moment I heard the words escaping from her lips, I knew them to be true. The spell was truly broken. I  
  
assumed my human form right up in the air. We plummeted down, but she wasn't bothered by it, telling me how she knew,  
  
how she remembered, how happy she was. I caught her and we flew back to the bathhouse.  
  
There Yubaba tested her. Of course Chihiro past it. I never expected anything less from her. My heart rejoiced  
  
and broke at the same time, when Yubaba spoke the liberating words and the whole bathhouse celebrated in broad daylight.  
  
I cursed the fact I had to say goodbye to her, but I had to. She was an innocent human girl. I had no right to keep her.  
  
Even though I wanted to.  
  
You see, I may look like a ten year-old, but I already said I'm just about as old as humanity. I knew very  
  
well what pulled at my heart whenever I looked at the simple angel. I knew she was too young, too innocent.  
  
And so I made that promise. Not because she was crying, and begging me to, though I admit that helped, but  
  
because I found myself wanting to see her again. And making that promise made it so real, made it closer to me.  
  
And I knew I could never break that promise. I could never disappoint her like that.  
  
Though it's best if I don't keep that promise. Best for her. I could destroy her.  
  
I am the most horribly sinful creature in the universe. I don't deserve her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Well, that was it. Kind of depressing huh? I'm working on a larger fic, one that will be better (I hope), so until then,  
  
ciao! Oh, and please review? And please no flames? ^_^ 


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